Thursday, Feb 27. Braveheart goes shopping.
Day 34. Bravery is not the absence of fear, but managing anxiety and holding steady when your body tells you to shut down or run. I've always felt like a brave person, I'm rattled. I've never endured this much constant existential stress without finding a way 'out.' I need a new approach.
I've been doing a lot of outreach on social media, trying to help get my friends and family ready for potential outbreaks near them. When my friends tell me they think I'm brave, I laugh. Putting one foot in front of the other doesn't seem brave. We're all staying safe and surviving, slowing down the virus long enough to give the rest of the world a chance. I'm scared for my family back in Canada walking around, exposed.
Last night I stayed up until dawn reading medical studies about potential medicines. Although China is stable, I have this paranoia, I have to prepare to handle everything on my own. I find a credible article about a respected Canadian scientist who's had success with a supplement in treating similar diseases. I find a nearly sold-out shop online, and with the help of my dad, arrange to have the medicine sent to me in China. The whole thing's a hail mary, but it's something.
I wake up, exhausted and depleted. We eat our egg cake and drink coffee. I have a meeting with Liz in Toronto and volunteer to help Bernie win the Democrats Abroad primary. When young people react to a global pandemic with "good on you, mother nature," I know in my bones it's time for a green new deal.
Today marks the first day more new cases originate outside China than inside. I weigh myself, down another 2 KG. I'll have a beach body by summer if I keep this up.
I'm watching Iran closely. Iran's peculiarly high death rate for their confirmed cases either indicates a nasty mutation of the virus or, more likely, hundreds of more cases unreported. A sophisticated Canadian mathematical model predicts there's actually 18,000 cases in Iran today. They aren't canceling public gatherings. Instead, neighbors are closing borders and canceling flights.
Quiet streets in Jiulongpo District
We can't order more rice, so I make the decision to suit up and go shopping. The streets are mostly empty. I pass a public toilet and hold my breath to avoid dangerous aerosols. I manage to arrange my goggles, so they don't fog up in the first 5 minutes for once.
The supermarket is quiet today
As shopping drags on, I start to feel exposed. I'm pushing my cart along with Xiaolin on a video chat, and an older man behind me starts to cough violently. I bolt away, shaken. Everything is taking too long. I slow my breathing, but it's not easy. I keep moving and avoid close proximity to other shoppers.
The vegetables are quite well-stocked, but I still can't buy mushrooms. The supermarket is sold out of bags of sugar, and when I find the bulk section, I end up scraping the bottom of the sugar barrel. I get a big bag of rice, four bags of Doritos, lots of vegetables, pasta, and other goodies. I get some meat for Xiaolin. Everything is expensive but worth it.
Big shopping order, expensive but worth it
On the way back, I struggle with four heavy bags and stop to catch my breath. I slow my breathing so I don't fail the temperature test.
At home, I'm sweaty and out of breath. I toss my clothes in the washer and jump in the shower. The ice-cold water doesn't warm up because I forgot to plug the water heater back in. My apartment isn't heated, but at least today is warmer.
I do some laundry and make a tomato and cheese wasabi mayo sandwich. Later, I enjoy some shrimp wonton soup, but my throat's icky. I eat a few fisherman's friends, my mom sent me and have a nap. Later, I drink honey echinacea tea, and we watch some TV. Tomorrow I'm gonna make french toast and ignore the world.